22 March 2007

On the First Days of Spring

Cold Place Lesson #32: Old cars don’t run very well at -15°

Cold Place Lesson #145: You can eventually find everything here you can find in New York, just with a lot more schlepping.

Cold Place Lesson #2: 60° feels mighty fine after three months of not seeing it.

Cold Place Lesson #7: After the sixth phone call of the day, you and Mr. Gordo officially have nothing left to say to each other. Accept it and move on.

Cold Place Lesson #23: Real friends give honoraria.

Cold Place Lesson #45: Life plods along, whether you’re noticing or not.

Cold Place Lesson #4: Boys really don’t cry (except Mr. Gordo, on occasion).

Cold Place Lesson #5: Agoraphobia is a natural companion to cabin fever.

Cold Place Lesson #76: You need to wash you car more frequently here.

Cold Place Lesson #41: You can have too many lotions, shockingly.

Cold Place Lesson #3: Long distance relationships take more than just a hope and a prayer.

Cold Place Lesson #16: Money is always a problem, regardless of how much you make.

Cold Place Lesson #12: The gay ghetto can be a good thing when you don’t have one.

Cold Place Lesson #9: People are freaks everywhere.

Cold Place Lesson #10: Don’t let your natural misanthropy disarm you to the pleasures of people and their company.

Cold Place Lesson #56: You can indeed eat one too many cheeseburgers.

Cold Place Lesson #13: Never underestimate the value of a good health plan.

Cold Place Lesson #14: Never overestimate the value of having your medical doctor serving as your quasi-shrink, in 20 minute doses.

Cold Place Lesson #6: Friends move away. Yes, it sucks. Get over it.

Cold Place Lesson #8: After the age of 30, your ability to make more friends is directly proportional to the simultaneous deterioration of your body.

Cold Place Lesson #37: In a place with 9 months of winter and 3 months of summer, enjoy your 5-minute Spring and Fall.

Cold Place Lesson #27: Beware of turkey sandwiches at gay bistros!

Cold Place Lesson #28: A trip to SuperTarget is not the answer to every problem.

Cold Plate Lesson #29: Don’t be afraid to return items to their place of purchase and list as the reason for the return: “Impulse buying”

Cold Place Lesson #17: It is good to go out more often than you usually do.

Cold Place Lesson #15: Having a social life is work.

Cold Place Lesson #47: Cold Place Drivers don’t use their turn signals.

Cold Place Lesson #66: Paying bills on time feels good.

Cold Place Lesson #11: Collegial respect is worth its weight in salary (or lack thereof).

Cold Place Lesson #40: The cooked roasted chickens at your local boutique supermarket are quite good, and allow you the luxurious misconception that you are eating well.

Cold Place Lesson #61: It is natural to be depressed upon discovering your GP is younger than yourself.

Cold Place Lesson #78: Appreciate the perky women you meet daily.

Cold Place Lesson #79: Value as well the crabby ones.

Cold Place Lesson #80: Attempt to be more perky yourself.

Cold Place Lesson #81: Accept this may not always be possible.

Cold Place Lesson #24: Never underestimate the value of winter exfoliation.

Cold Place Lesson #1: Although clichéd, appreciate what you have: you can walk, you can breathe, you can sing, you can love.


GayProf said...

When you say you and Mr. Gordo have nothing more to say, do you mean for the day or forever? If the latter, I am really sorry. If the former, I tend to assume the worst. Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to drink about it?

SuperTarget may not solve all problems, but it solves many of them. There is something about the cheery red-and-white-fluorescent bounty that just makes me feel better.

Oso Raro said...

Oh God no! Mr. Gordo and I are still together; I meant our daily ritual of 2-10 phone calls. Now the smart ass is calling me saying, "I wanted to get in my call #4." LOL

Anonymous said...


Love your lessons . . . except for the age-ist, self-loathing comments about yourself. Sugarpie, smile, enjoy, and don't give a second thought to such evil.


Your secret admirer

A.J. Chavez said...

Yes, I agree with GayProf. A little retail therapy never hurts.